Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
