Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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