She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
