i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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