need another drink. this is the easiest way
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I need to calm my uterus...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
