I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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