i love accidental penises.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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