Buhtt sex?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Your cock deserves a montage
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
