Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
