I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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