You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
