btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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