for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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