he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize