Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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