The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Randomize
