So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
