do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
