Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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