i would punch a child for taco bell
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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