got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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