I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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