epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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