WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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