another moral hangover. fuck.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
