Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
