then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
