All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
