What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
