She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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