things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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