Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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