Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
