Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize