just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
