Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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