just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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