Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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