It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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