420 ftw
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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