Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I need a burrito and a hug.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
