Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
