Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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