At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
