I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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