I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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