Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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