kristin has been a bad kristin
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
