i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
