Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Randomize
