Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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