Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
