Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
