Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Randomize
