I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
