they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
