She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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