to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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