I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
