Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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