First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
