I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
