i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
