420 ftw
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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