I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
