If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
