I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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