I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
