I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
