babies were throwing up all over the place
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
