Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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