Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
