We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
