Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
