I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
