Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize