Me too!
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
