I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize