Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
