so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
