i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
