Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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