i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
