It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
