He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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