I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
