His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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