Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
