they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
