Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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