sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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