Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
