How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
