dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
