So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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