The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
