we have pet lesbian snakes
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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