i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
